Tuesday, May 24, 2011

1001 Crazy Nights

The past week has been jam packed with adventure and ups and downs. I don't even know where to start! I've promised a post on perfectionism, but I may have to postpone because I feel the need to summarize the past two weeks of my life.
It has brought up a lot of different triggering situations that have tested my resistance against ED. I'm happy to say, that despite being forced into high-anxiety situations, I've been able to withstand using behaviors.
Which brings me to the positives and negatives that have occurred recently:
I'll begin with the negatives as to end on a positive note.
  • The first, and possibly most disturbing situation that has happened, was a fight with my best friend. He turned on my rather suddenly, in what I perceived as a betrayal of trust. I was broken by words that were truly quite malicious, and felt at a loss as what to do to remedy the situation. Not only did this bring about a sense of being powerless, it also made me paranoid that I was wrong in feeling hurt by his words. In the end, the situation has been forgotten, but not without a renewed awareness that not everyone deserves my trust.
  • This one is a combined positive and negative: my medication for anxiety and depression has been switched as I had lost faith in it's effectiveness in treating me. I am now on a new drug, I'm, not sure if I'm assigning side affects that don't actually exist to the meds, but I am convinced that I've been more edgy and lethargic since I've been taking them. I haven't given up hope that they won't help though!
  • Lastly, I had experienced debilitating abdominal pain, which forced me to double up for hours. My doctor determined it was heart burn and prescribed Zantac and I've been fine ever since. Weird, right?
Now, for the positives!
  • I met a really amazing guy, who is a perfect gentlemen to me, and he makes me really happy. So that is definitely something that has been putting a smile on my face lately.
  • I had the opportunity to attend a seminar to empower young women at Kean University and gained so much for the experience. I'd love to summarize the whole event in a late post, because it really deserves it's own focus. I think anyone reading could gain something from hearing about it(:
  • I ran a seven minute mile the other day! I know that it isn't that fast for seasoned runners, but for a beginner such as myself, I was really proud of that accomplishment.
  • I've been taking risks- in fashion, in food, with friends, and life in general! I'm testing my boundaries and loving it.
Now, to finish things up, some eats pictures.
Whole Wheat oatmeal cookies w/ Three Berry Blend, so good.

THE fear food, Mom's homemade Mac and Cheese.
Ate every bite and proud of it.

I've been trying to bring chips to lunch lately, one day I brought these
spicy Thai to go with my roasted pepper and tomato soup, delicious.

Meal I cooked by myself! A big deal for me because I'm a horrible cook.
Salad, steamed carrots and tempah with Kashi pilaf

Peanut butter and banana sandwich with Cinnamon on raisin swirl bread.

Final risk, picture au natural!
No make-up and natural hair. VERY scary to post but worth it.

That's all for tonight, my loves, but I will be posting shortly to go into more detail of the challenges I've been facing. Until then, stay strong<3

What is a recent positive or negative of your life?
Do you find it scary to go all natural?


BecomingBryana said...

Aw Em, I'm so sorry about your friend. I hope it will al work out.
As for the risks, I'm incredibly proud of you for challenging yourself. It's so easy to get comfortable with where you are in recovery, and to forget to keep pushing and keep challenging. It's amazing that you remember to keep fighting.

Ok, and I absolutely love the picture of your pb&b. The swirl in the bread is perfect.

jennifer said...

your natural hair is gorgeous :) im so sorry about the friend thing, that really sucks :/ but amazing about the boy :) just keep being yourself, you're doing so well with the challenges xox

Ash said...

You are so beautiful girl, I love your hair :)

I'm sorry that you had a fight with your friend. It's really the worst when someone betrays you, but I'm glad you're doing better and finding the positives (like that new guy!)

Congrats on the seven minute mile! I'm a beginner runner too and I'm nowhere near that fast. And also for eating the mac and cheese, that's a huge fear food for me too and I'm so proud of you for tackling that!

Missy said...

Giood for you to not resorting to unhealthy behaviors despite high anxiety situations (even the good ones like meeting a guy can also cause us to behave).

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you, you are amazing. I think high stress situations are hard, and you are holding together so well my love. You are beautiful :) And I'd say for me... a recent positive is that I made muffins today!