Friday, April 8, 2011

Push past.

Lately, I've been trying to push past my usual triggers for using ED behaviors, and rationalize the reactions that usually accompany a triggering event.

For example, tonight I decided, spur of the moment, to go to a school dance. The dances are casual and just consist of a partially-lit school gym and a teenage DJ (for all of you out of high-school, I'm sure this brings back memories.) Usually, any event would cause me to restrict for a days, if not a week, in advance in order to be "prepared." Deciding, last minute, to take advantage of this opportunity to have fun with my friends is a big step for me.
I will admit that it is rather anxiety provoking. I have had thoughts to restrict, or just to stay at home. Both of these options are within my comfort zone. However, if I ever want to let go of my ED, I need to take a step out of my norm. This means going into situations that are not 100% "safe."

Also, I have Health this marking period in school, and the class kicks off with several days of discussion about Nutrition. Later on, the curriculum requires an overview of eating disorders. The class is extremely triggering for me. I have been making an effort not to act on the emotions it provokes and am trying to rationalize the thoughts that are caused by it.
Because, in reality, I know that not everyone is thinking about me whenever "anorexia" is brought up, and that calories and learning about Nutrition is important for people my age although I have already learned a lot about the subject through my time in IOP and personal research.
I will ask my therapist for a note to be excused until Sex Ed begins (joy) but until then I'll try to tough it out and remind myself that life doesn't have to be controlled by ED.

I'll let all of you know how tonight's dance goes, and maybe I'll include a profile of one of my close friends in my next post.
Thanks again for all of your support<3

What are triggering situations you have been in?
How have you fought urges caused by them?


Trying To Heal said...

oh i hope you have so much fun oat the dance tonight! pushing boundaries is definitely a huge step in the right direction and i think it's what helps make us stronger and move in the right direction!

Ash said...

I love that you were able to decide at the last minute that you wanted to go to the dance! I really really hope you enjoy it and I can't wait to hear all about it.

I haven't been in a really triggering situation in a while, but there's this girl in my hall who's in the room next to me and I always hear her talking about how she's on a diet. She's definitely not fat and doesn't really need to be on a diet. I just feel so uncomfortable when people talk about stuff like that. I hope you can skip out on that section of your class so it isn't triggering to you!

Missy said...

I'm so impressed with you for going to that dance spur of the moment and working through the tough thoughts.
Let us know how it went!

Anonymous said...

Hey its Kimi I'm just commenting anonymous until Ive got you on my private OK list and get your username:)
Sometimes spur of the moment decisions can be the hardest but the best in the long run, I agree. For intance, if a triggering event like going out to dinner were to be brought up to me on monday and the dinner wasnt til friday, I would have all week to freak and try to prepare....but if the friday dinner was told to me on friday at 3 pm... for some reason I know I would freak out, but in the long run it would be less destructive.I can definatelyyy relate! Let us know how the dance went! Im so proud of you for going!!