Lately, I've been trying to push past my usual triggers for using ED behaviors, and rationalize the reactions that usually accompany a triggering event.
For example, tonight I decided, spur of the moment, to go to a school dance. The dances are casual and just consist of a partially-lit school gym and a teenage DJ (for all of you out of high-school, I'm sure this brings back memories.) Usually, any event would cause me to restrict for a days, if not a week, in advance in order to be "prepared." Deciding, last minute, to take advantage of this opportunity to have fun with my friends is a big step for me.
I will admit that it is rather anxiety provoking. I have had thoughts to restrict, or just to stay at home. Both of these options are within my comfort zone. However, if I ever want to let go of my ED, I need to take a step out of my norm. This means going into situations that are not 100% "safe."
Also, I have Health this marking period in school, and the class kicks off with several days of discussion about Nutrition. Later on, the curriculum requires an overview of eating disorders. The class is extremely triggering for me. I have been making an effort not to act on the emotions it provokes and am trying to rationalize the thoughts that are caused by it.
Because, in reality, I know that not everyone is thinking about me whenever "anorexia" is brought up, and that calories and learning about Nutrition is important for people my age although I have already learned a lot about the subject through my time in IOP and personal research.
I will ask my therapist for a note to be excused until Sex Ed begins (joy) but until then I'll try to tough it out and remind myself that life doesn't have to be controlled by ED.
I'll let all of you know how tonight's dance goes, and maybe I'll include a profile of one of my close friends in my next post.
Thanks again for all of your support<3
What are triggering situations you have been in?
How have you fought urges caused by them?