Friday, March 25, 2011

This is hard.

Hey guys, I just needed to let out what I'm feeling to a community that I know will support me.
I've been so anxious and upset lately. All I can think about are those things that are worrying me.
I have strong urges and even skipped lunch today, something I haven't done in a long time.
I have gained alot of weight because of my night-overeating and I feel so uncomfertable.

It's just hard. I want to fight ED. I want to be okay. But I'm tired. And unmotivated.

ED is waiting for me with open arms, can I resist?
I know I need to.

Can anyone relate?
Could you help remind me of the importance of recovery?


Ash said...

I'm so glad you're blogging again but I'm really sorry you're struggling. Unfortunately, I can relate. I haven't gained weight recently as far as I know but my ED voice has been coming back strong. I've had really strong urges, too, and I've acted upon them. But I'm trying my hardest to pick myself up and start over again.

Remember that recovery is a journey--the path won't always be smooth and straight, but you've got to keep following the path towards healthiness. If you stumble, brush yourself off and start again. Tomorrow's a new day--I know you can make it better!


Anonymous said...

you can do this!! I know how taunting it is to want to go back, trust me I do. But honestly, it doesnt help a thing!! When you feel so weak and tired your not happy, you cant have fun, and its not worth it. LIVING is worth it, and YOUR worth it my dear. You can do this, please try to resist and just tell yourself that you deserve better than to be suffering.
<3 kimi

Missy said...

I'm listening and I offer my compassion. I am in a very similar place. Perhaps you can look at the fact I am so much older as inspiration to fight hard NOW.

Take care...take


Trying To Heal said...

stay strong girl; you can do it!

there are times that are hard, but then there are also times that are easier. so remember those better days and have them to propel you forward and keeping fighting so you can be free of this disease.

Haley said...

I realize that it's easy to fall back into ED behaviors when we are 'anxious and upset', but you've got to realize that starving yourself and your body will do you NO good. It doesn't make any of your problems go away. And when you do this, you are in fact losing control not holding onto it!
I know that you can beat this.
My overeating at night is scaring me, too. But we'll find a balance. It takes time and experience. The good news is that we are on our way to recovery. Our bodies WILL adjust. Right now it's just hard for our brains and our bodies to connect I feel like, because we have disconnected them for so long.

Yes, ED is calling you because that is what you know. That is what is comfortable. It would be EASY for you to go back to your old ways. But is that the right thing to do? Is it the healthy thing, the brave thing? No. It is the comfortable, easy way out. And an easy way to lose your life, literally and metaphorically.

Em, you are making SUCH progress! You've got to keep pushing. I promise we will look back at our recovery and think, "Shoot, that was a LOT of work." But then we'll also know just how worth it it all was!

You are beautiful, and your body needs fuel to survive. Look at it that way. That is how I'm trying to approach food lately. It keeps my body going. Eating prevents my hair from thinning any more. It will increase my stupid constantly cold body temperature. It will improve my attitude! These are all great in terms of motivation for recovery. I can't wait until the day when I have no ED symptoms. It will be here for us sooner than we think. We've just gotta keep working :)

Ok, I'm SO sorry this is so long! Love you girly