Thursday, March 24, 2011

"A little girl taking over the world with her smile."

So I've taken a long vacation from blogging, simply because life has been crazy lately. I'm sorry! But I really want to get back into the community. I love it so much!

My birthday was on Sunday, and it was truly lovely. My fourteenth year of life has been a roller coaster and I am ready to be fifteen. I feel a little bit stronger, older, more mature. This isn't to say that things are flawless, but that is life! We grow as days go by, we learn each day.

Lately, my mood has been down and I've been pretty anxious. My medication situation has been difficult to handle. I understand that finding the right fit is a process, but I'm so impatient to be happy! Also, things with the boy I liked have fallen apart, and we are currently not talking. ED is also really upset with the extra weight I've gained.

But, I am really so proud of how I've handled these situations. I haven't resorted to using ED behaviors, and I've actively been trying to be kinder to myself. When things go wrong, ED thoughts rush in and cripple me, putting me down, making me feel worthless. I've been able to push past those thoughts.

I have not been 100% on top of my recovery and therapy work, and sometimes things feel as if they are spiralling out of control. But that is okay. Just because I can't be totally in control all the time does not mean that I am worthless. It does not mean I should use my body and food as a form of control.
It does mean that I am human. Which is okay!

On my birthday I spent a magical day in Soho with my best friend, H, and my mom. I thoroughly enjoyed myself! We went shopping and out to lunch, and I relaxed. Which is, by far, the best gift I could have gave myself.


Birthday presents! Clips, a headband, 3 chocolate bars, and a fake Letterman's jacket.
I loved all of the presents, and the jacket was such a surprise!


H and I in salt.


Souen

I had the curried vegetables with tofu.

My mom had their classic macro plate.


H had stir-fry noodles.
Souen is SO good. I have wanted to go there for so long and I was so excited to finally have the oppurtunity to. They are a Japanese restuarant featuring delicious and healthy vegetarian and macrobiotic cuisine. Although this may not sounds so appealing, everything is delicious and if I could I would eat there everyday.


Cupcake Crew cupcakes. I was thrilled that I had a cupcake without thinking twice about it. No worries, no anxiety, just enjoying a cupcake on my birthday! I have journeyed so far in my recovery. And it is amazing that I can have a treat without guilt.


Amy's and One Girl Cookies from Dean and Deluca


Birthday girl outift(:
High waisted floral skirt from a local shop,
Target top, American Eagle necklace.

What do you do to celebrate your birthday?
What are you proud of yourself for?

3 comments:

Ash said...

Happy birthday, girl! I'm so glad you were able to enjoy yourself on your birthday and have a cupcake without feeling guilty. We all deserve to treat ourselves, especially on our birthday. Unfortunately ED can take that away from us, so it's great that you were able to have a good time :)

Since my birthday is in the summer, I usually go to this huge waterpark nearby. I always have so much fun on all the rides and I usually don't feel too self-conscious, even in a swimsuit. I want to be able to enjoy my birthday!

That food looks really yummy! I'd love to try a restaurant like that sometime.

Keep staying strong (and I love your outfit, btw)!

Missy said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

Haley said...

Happy belated birthday Em!
Sorry that I am so late on commenting! I have been busy :/
But you are looking gorgeous in these pictures, as usual! :) I love seeing healthy, happy faces! (All a part of recovery!)

And eating that cupcake WITHOUT guilt is a major slap in the face to ED! Look how far you have come! Great job!
<3 Haley