My birthday was on Sunday, and it was truly lovely. My fourteenth year of life has been a roller coaster and I am ready to be fifteen. I feel a little bit stronger, older, more mature. This isn't to say that things are flawless, but that is life! We grow as days go by, we learn each day.
Lately, my mood has been down and I've been pretty anxious. My medication situation has been difficult to handle. I understand that finding the right fit is a process, but I'm so impatient to be happy! Also, things with the boy I liked have fallen apart, and we are currently not talking. ED is also really upset with the extra weight I've gained.
But, I am really so proud of how I've handled these situations. I haven't resorted to using ED behaviors, and I've actively been trying to be kinder to myself. When things go wrong, ED thoughts rush in and cripple me, putting me down, making me feel worthless. I've been able to push past those thoughts.
I have not been 100% on top of my recovery and therapy work, and sometimes things feel as if they are spiralling out of control. But that is okay. Just because I can't be totally in control all the time does not mean that I am worthless. It does not mean I should use my body and food as a form of control.
It does mean that I am human. Which is okay!
On my birthday I spent a magical day in Soho with my best friend, H, and my mom. I thoroughly enjoyed myself! We went shopping and out to lunch, and I relaxed. Which is, by far, the best gift I could have gave myself.
|Birthday presents! Clips, a headband, 3 chocolate bars, and a fake Letterman's jacket. |
I loved all of the presents, and the jacket was such a surprise!
|H and I in salt.|
|I had the curried vegetables with tofu.|
|My mom had their classic macro plate.|
|H had stir-fry noodles.|
Cupcake Crew cupcakes. I was thrilled that I had a cupcake without thinking twice about it. No worries, no anxiety, just enjoying a cupcake on my birthday! I have journeyed so far in my recovery. And it is amazing that I can have a treat without guilt.
|Amy's and One Girl Cookies from Dean and Deluca|
|Birthday girl outift(:|
High waisted floral skirt from a local shop,
Target top, American Eagle necklace.
What do you do to celebrate your birthday?
What are you proud of yourself for?