Today, for the first time in what seems to be a forever, I could actually see the sky. And the temperature has risen to a balmy 34 degrees. Well.. sub-zero to merely freezing isn't that much of an improvement, but I consider it progress no less. It seems that the weather is mirroring my recovery. Sometimes clear skies, sometimes storms, but in the end winter will end, and spring will arrive.
Its a Thursday, which means I go to IOP (intensive outpatient program) from three to seven, in addition to therapy/doctor/nutrition appointments beforehand. It can be very exhausting and thoroughly takes up my Tuesdays and Thursdays every week but without it I would probably be in a very bad place with my eating disorder. I grant alot of my progress to the work I've begun in IOP.
Two of my meals are provided in IOP, snack and dinner, and the hospital food isn't exactly 5 star. The kitchen makes an effort, even occasionally attempting to put a garnish on the entrees (random cucumber slice on your grilled cheese anyone ?) In any case, it has become a favorite pastime of the patients and staff to ridicule the food.
Program went pretty well today, my doctor gave me a pass for another yoga class, to teach swim lessons, and to go back to gym. I should be excited, but I'm a little anxious about all the change. I just need to take it at my own pace, and I think things will be okay. Going to IOP after not being able to make it because of the weather the past weeks was alittle disconcerting. Looking around at some of the girls who are so skeletal and frail makes me scared, instead of envious as I once might have felt. I wondered "do I belong here?" While I love the girls and the program, I think that soon my time there might be ending. Leaving behind the familiar is very scary. But like I said, just gotta take things slow.