Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"I go ahead and smile."

I've consciously been trying to live in the moment and evaluating the purpose of my actions. I can purposefully rest, purposefully take care of myself, purposefully indulge, as long as it brings me pleasure or happiness. But if things do not go as I expect or I am not present in every moment, I am trying not to judge myself for that.
I think that trying to evaluate my each day this way will help me to live more fully.

I just read "A Long Way Gone," a memoir of a boy soldier from Sierra Leone. The book was extremely moving and horror of war is deeply disturbing but the thing that stuck with me was how the author described the fragility of happiness. I often find myself questioning my own happiness.

As a part of living in the moment, I am trying not to judge the emotions, but simply allow myself to experience them.

I know this change in my thinking is a process, but I think it is the next important step in my recovery, and in battling my perfectionism.

I haven't been chronicling what I've eaten the past two days, but I'm going to start again tomorrow, in the meantime I'll show the highlights of the past days eats.

 My new creation of chocolate chip cookie oats! Everyone should try it. Seriously.
1/2 cup oats, 1/4 teaspoon vanilla, 1 tablespoon brown sugar, two tablespoons of chocolate chips, 1 tablespoon coconut.
For my lunch yesterday I had a new overnight oats combo. In the morning I added pumpkin butter and three nut butter from Target. I also packed some granola to mix in. Although it doesn't look pretty, it was really good.

I've been trying to achieve a balence in my eating, and I've been doing okay at it. But if I don't get that balence, I can't sweat it. I am still in recovery and the bumps on the road are a part of the journey. I guess in a way I must accept what feels unnatural as natural.

This week, in order to acknowledge Eating Disorder Awareness week, I want to participate in Operation Beautiful by posting notes in my schools bathrooms and locker room. My friends think its a good idea and I'm really excited about it. I'll let all of you know how it goes!
I've acknowledged EDAW by trying to get my friends not to "fat talk" or put themselves down. None of them know about my ED but I think its still important that I share the knowledge I've gained through my recovery experience.
I've also found that when you wear your beauty confidently, it unconciously gives others permission to do the same.
This inspiration comes from one of my favorite quotes:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson

I have been attempting to live this quote in my life. Starting small with giving myself positive talk about my body. The truth is I don't want to down-talk myself or my body anymore. Its unfair to me and I deserve to treat myself better.

But before I bite off more than I can chew, baby steps.
My goal for this week: wear a nice outfit(:
Sorry for all the rambling! I promise a nice foody post very soon.
Goodnight girls, remember to let your light shine, you are beautiful.

Are you doing anything to "celebrate" EDAW?
Have to tried to stop "fat talk?'


BecomingBryana said...

Oh. My. Gosh.
Emma, I just posted my first Operation Beautiful note yesterday. I made a bunch of post-its two weeks ago (I keep them in a folder so I can carry them around with me) and never really got the change or remembered to post them. I left one that said "Smile, you're beautiful" right on the mirror, and it made me feel so good to do it. I think it is a great idea to put those notes up in your school!!!

Ash said...

I love this quote--so inspiring! And your new approach to life seems like a really good one. We can be so hard on ourselves, especially in recovery, but we're only human and mistakes happen. I'm glad you're learning to cut yourself some slack and not expect perfection--I need to do this too!
You are beautiful, Emma and I'm so happy you're appreciating yourself for who you are and what you can do!

the Waldbillig said...

You've got me going oat crazy! Can you fill me in on the 'overnight' oat process? I would love some simple instructions. Oh Fat Talk... sigh. It seems in High School everywhere you turn you hear it. Here, there and everywhere. It's very hard to stop completely because the participants seem to feed off contradiction. However, I do try to sincerely let everyone and anyone know that I think they are sincerely beautiful the minute it crosses my mind, with no contradiction. If you catch them at the right time, they'll hear you and won't negate. I'm going to do Operation Smile tomorrow in the bathrooms at school I can't wait! Thanks for sharing such a WONDERFUL IDEA!

Ayla said...

I love that quote! It's beautiful and extremely empowering.

Your cookie oats sound amazing and I want to make them asap. I've had chocolate chips in oats (AWESOME) but I've never combined it with those other ingredients.