Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's day everyone!

If you have a special someone then I hope you enjoyed the opportunity to show public displays of affection in the form of hearts and chocolate. If you're like me, and the only Valentine card you received was from your little brother, then take comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Today was just one of those days for me, I woke up feeling sick so I only went to school for my last two classes. I've been anxious all day and Eating Disorder and critical thoughts have been ringing in my ears. Its really hard to power through when I feel so weak and helpless. I literally am weighed down by the burdens of worthless, fat, and lazy feelings.

Its upsetting to know that I still put myself down after I've done some amazing things. At the retreat yesterday I received so many complimentary comments about how inspiring my talk was and how brave I was to talk about my eating disorder. I was able to eat despite some urges to restrict. I've been trying hard to keep up in school.
Yet the perfectionist inside me is still not satisfied!
And it never will be, learning to be content with myself is so hard. I am constantly battling just to feel okay and honestly, I'm exhausted.

But I know that things will turn out okay. I can make it through.

Yesterday's retreat was actually alot of fun. I enjoyed getting closer to the rest of the team and the group of kids were really sweet. Overall it was an enjoyable experience and I'm glad I got to be an active participant. Not just a passive observer like I was for everything in the midnight of my ED.

Yesterday and today I had the same breakfast of Kashi vanilla shredded wheat, GoLean crunch, and bananas with vanilla almond milk.

I packed my lunch, dinner and snack for the retreat, it turned out to be quite a spread!

For lunch I had Greek yogurt with banana chips, vanilla granola, an apple, and Justin's honey peanut butter.

Snack was a Kashi chocolate coconut granola bar and a chocolate milk.

And for dinner, Trader Joe's curried chick peas, carrots, mixed greens, and a lite Flat Out wrap.

Today for lunch I had nutella sandwich with strawberry jam inspired by Two Peas and Their Pod along with greek yogurt with rasberries and strawberries.

Although I did not have a Valentine this year, my parents made my day when my mom gave me flowers and my dad promised me Swarovski crystal earrings! The fact that they went out of their way to get me something lifted me a bit.

Now I'm to yoga, where hopefully I can shake this bad mood.

I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day!


Ash said...

That's so great that your parents surprised you for Valentine's Day! My parents gave me a few little gifts yesterday before I had to come back up to school, and it was a really sweet thing for them to do.
I know how you feel with all the ED thoughts. Mine have been so strong lately too and I hate feeling all sad and pissed off because of it. I just want to be myself again.
All your meals look so yummy! I'm jealous ;)
Stay strong, girl. :)

BecomingBryana said...

Wow, that sandwich sounds so good! I love nutella and I buy it sometimes, but my ED really hates it.
For the past month, my ED thoughts haven't been that strong, but for some reason, yesterday they were, so I totally get the feeling. I like your attitude. Things will turn out ok. You had a bad day, but that doesn't mean you will tomorrow. No feeling lasts forever!